The Zombies Ate My Brains

Rescuing what might remain of the grey matter.

The Properties of Silver Nitrate

Let me tell you about my day yesterday. It was full of “P” and a bit of vinegar.

Reiner took the day off to recover from a 24-hour bug. Of course, being sick didn’t stop him from poking around the house and getting himself into mischief.

First order of business: transfer silver nitrate into a tinted glass jar. Apparently the stuff deteriorates in light and needs proper storage. AgNO3 is a chemical compound used in photography, medicine, and industrial applications such as silver plating. Reiner uses it to test the composition of mineral specimens.

Problem was, he had more content than container and had to abandon the project. Not, however, before he managed to stain every surface in the kitchen. Purple streaks everywhere. And I mean EVERYwhere. The nice white acrylic sink? Purple. The white ceramic counter top: ditto.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “It will wash off. Eventually.”

Hmph.

As the day progressed and surfaces were exposed to light, we found more stains. We hiked to the coffee shop. Reiner held out his hands in dismay. His fingers were stained black – the same grotesque black of the harmless gag soap advertised in comic books.

prank soap

If you’d like to read more about the stuff, check out this manufacturer’s site. I would like to point out this tidbit: Do not contact your skin with Silver Nitrate solutions. If you do, the moment you go into sunlight, the exposed skin will turn black. This unsightly, but generally harmless color will last for about 10 days. There is no way to get it off, once it has turned black.

I found myself surprisingly unmoved by this escapade. As with the dust from the wallpapering project, I couldn’t summon the piss and vinegar. It’s not so much that I wanted to be angry, I couldn’t see the point. Besides, he was already suffering. Hubby is fastidious about his appearance. The purple-black stains are punishment enough.

I had the last laugh, though. While preparing for bed, he hollered from the bathroom, “What the hell?”

“What?!” I asked.

He came into the room and showed me a purple thumbprint. On his… um. You know. Pee-pee.

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Categories: Husband

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55 replies

  1. My first laugh of the day! Thank you.

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  2. Oh, nooooooooooooooo. Marked for life ?? So sorry for him, but I respect your piss and vinegar. Thanks for the early laugh, Maggie. ☺

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  3. Ha – Hopefully that thumbprint doesn’t see much in the way of sunlight 😉 – Thanks for a smile to start the day.

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  4. AHAHAHAHA!
    Well I never!
    I’d be angry about the sink and stuff tho, ferreal.

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  5. Tell him it will last longer than a tattoo.

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  6. Can we see a photo? Of the hands! The hands!

    Isn’t there a poem:
    I’ve never seen a purple penis.
    Never want to see one.
    But if I do I’ll hide my eyes
    Cuz …

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That’s hilarious. I used silver nitrate as a paranormal story element once.

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  8. Oh my, Maggie….I’m sure you heard my LOL all the over there! What a story. Love your writing style!

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  9. In pediatrics, we use silver nitrate to dry up an oozing umbilicus of an infant when the cord falls off but the stump won’t dry out. It doesn’t hurt at all, but it can leave quite a stain on the baby’s skin if we’re not careful how we apply it! But luckily it comes off. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Oh Maggie, my cheeks (on my face) hurt from smiling. (I cannot LOL as I am reading this on lunch break at work!)

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  11. BWAHAHAHAHA!

    Sorry … the kitchen part is totally not funny. You are a saint for being calm about it.
    … but I didn’t see the ending coming and it was a zinger 😀
    BWAHAHAHAHA!!

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  12. My junior-year chemistry project was testing calcium (I think?) in water using Silver Nitrate! The one thiing I remember the teacher telling us when we used to do other labs in class was that it would stain your skin, so make sure not to get it on your hands and then wipe your face accidentally! 😀

    I got through the project without one mis-stained finger, much less nose or other parts 😀

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  13. Classic!!!! Love your “P” Post – Perfect blend of Piss, Pee-Pee, Penis, Pleasure and Pfunny.

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  14. Maggie, thank you for starting my day with laughter!! ❤

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  15. I learned at a young age I can’t be trusted with chemicals. I’ve decided to blame my brain glitches on the mercury I used to roll around in my hand about three times a week for a year when my chemistry teacher wasn’t looking.

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  16. Purple thumbprint tattoo on the “wazoo”, does it “glow” in the dark? Oh my! My gut is still hurting from the laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Isn’t it nice to have a man around. We do provide levity for the ladies, you know. That is why God put us here.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Uh oh, I guess if you suspect him of philandering, you can organize a line up of likely suspects.

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  19. I really am glad I dropped by tiday. I apologize for brief bouts of reading and then spaces between. You definitely have a fun time here. I started thinking of other damage those dratted hands could have gotten into. I laughed and was relieved at same time.
    I learned a few things including the part about baby’s umbilical cord. 🙂

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  20. Laughing at your husband’s trials and tribulations. I hope you manage to get a private photographic memento to remember this by.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Maggie, this story is hysterical!! And then, of course, there are the comments… oh my goodness! 😀 Thank you for the laughs!!!

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  22. This was a hoot! And one of those really fun coincidences that happens in the reading/blogging world, but to explain why would be boring. Suffice to say I have some personal experience with silver nitrate and had just mentioned it, obliquely, yesterday.

    How I would enjoy coating the steering wheels of drivers everywhere with the stuff and curing nasty and, these days, dangerously, unhygienic nose habits overnight. The thought of REALLY doing that makes me laugh!
    😀

    Liked by 1 person

  23. LOL! A very belated chuckle from me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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