The Zombies Ate My Brains

Rescuing what might remain of the grey matter.

Show’s Over

Click for Source: Etsy

Click for Source: Etsy

The badge says it all.

Well, literally, it doesn’t say it all. I also had my brows waxed and my hair trimmed. I even wore eyeliner and lipstick, because, you know, first impressions and all that jazz.

Regarding that job interview: suffice to say I now have an understanding of how employment agencies work. Or don’t, as the case may be. It turns out that I applied for a job that may or may not have been fictional. I’ll never know because it didn’t come up in the “interview”. At the end of two hours of aptitude tests and intake questionnaires and health and safety quizzes, I am now an “associate” of an employment agency.

As my “agent” informed me, I might end up being employed directly by the client, but there are no assurances. He went on to instruct me that I am obliged to do this and do that and do the other thing. While I am, he advised, under no obligation to accept the jobs that he offers, after three strikes, the relationship is terminated. Does he make himself clear?

Perfectly.

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Categories: Work, work, work

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62 replies

  1. Yeah.. I no longer shave my legs for it all. I can’t help but admit that while reading your post, Jay and the Americans’ old song (ironically) came into my head, “Only in America.” Apparently not. It’s a bummer — but if we know you, you’ll hang in there just fine!

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  2. I am so please I no longer have to do job interviews! Anyone would be lucky to have you working for them.

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  3. Having managed a search firm for many years, I have a familiarity about these businesses. In the state of Minnesota, it’s illegal to advertise imaginary positions in order to get candidates in the door. You sound like you may have landed in one of the more “enterprising” agencies.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ugh. I didn’t realize recruiters still worked that way. I remember that set up from the late 80s and early 90s. 😦

    Honestly, I find that the best means of landing a great role is through networking. Otherwise yours is just another in a pile of resumes. Are you an active user of LinkedIn, Maggie? For my money, it’s the best social media forum for someone looking to land a job.

    Liked by 1 person

    • A couple of weeks ago, the local paper ran a report on employment opportunities. Apparently, Brant County is enjoying an increase in job openings for skilled types, like me. The paper went on to report that HR folks say that the BEST way to land a job is through networking.

      I’m a LinkedIn member, but “active”? Not so much. At the risk of appearing dense, Nancy, what exactly would I need to do to?

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      • Off the top of my head:
        -Make sure you have a large network. Add contacts. There are some mechanisms in LinkedIn that prompt you to connect with people you ‘might know’. Also, scroll through the contact lists of LinkedIn contacts and connect with those that you feel would enrich your network.
        -Your LinkedIn newsfeed will be made up of activities from your contacts base — so the more contacts you have, the richer your feed will be.
        -follow key /industry influencers; they often publish articles that you can then ‘share’ or ‘like’ – which adds to your activity feed – i.e. will appear as activity on the feeds of your contacts – keeping you top of mind. Passive users of LinkedIn will never make it to the newsfeeds of others.
        -Endorse others for skills (you’ll see this feature)
        -Request endorsements from contacts (you can do this in your admin/profile area, I believe)
        -Make sure your profile is up to date
        -Add a “headline” to your profile. If you’re actively seeking work, you can put something to that effect in your headline.
        -If you have a smartphone, ensure you have the LinkedIn app so you can get updates quickly and easily.
        -If you don’t, then make sure that your LinkedIn profile settings are set to alert you to the type of activity you want to know about. i.e. Send me an instant email every time X happens. this is all in the settings area.

        Hope this helps!

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  5. Send ’em a bill for the eyebrow waxing and the hair trimming. And add interest.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Every job interview has two parts: where they interview you and where you interview them. Many people are intimidated by the process and never interview the employer. I always begin the interview with “I read the posting, now tell me about the job.”

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    • Oh, I had every intention of completing my part. But, to continue the “all the world’s a stage” conceit, I had memorized lines from a different play! Not once did he mention the job for which I applied. This guy was like an automaton. His motivation was to sign me up as a client in their database.He spoke rapidly and by rote. When he got to the “any questions?” part I just wanted to get the hell outta Dodge.

      Liked by 2 people

      • And in scenarios like that, they don’t LET you try to assert yourself. Any “what’s in it for me?” style questions or attitude would assure you have no chance. They say what THEY want and basically give you the boot as they stand up and usher you out. And it’s true, by the time you’ve jumped through all their hoops, all you want is the hell out, so you can go pee, eat, and get out of those clothes as soon as possible.Well, that’s how it’s been for me anyway….

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  7. Well THAT sucks. (Is it a sign? Do you believe in them? Do I? If we did, would a scum-sucking dweeb qualify? The sign, if such, would be to take a hiatus between assignments, Agent Maggie. *** WARNING *** This message will self-destruct, eventually, when that WP bug that deletes random past comments gets around to it. 🙂 )

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Egads. Whatta scam.
    So let’s ask the important question — are you still sitting pretty today? lol
    I get a few freelance jobs here and there. I am not “networked” or “LinkedIn” which I suppose is my greatest downfall.Every job I’ve had since college has been a matter of who I know. It’s virtually impossible to get hired on the spot anymore, although it happened a lot when I was in school. My nephew told me of his plans to walk into a shop and fill out an application (probably some adult’s well-meaning advice) and I said, “It’s online. You can apply at home.” He said, “But if I go in there and talk to the manager…”
    “The manager will point you to the computer job center next to customer service.”
    When my husband was trying to find work after the Army, I got a clear sense that job hunting and job getting is now filled with absurdity. The key is having well-employed friends.
    Previously, some clerk scanned for over and under qualified before passing them on to the boss, but now a computer does it.

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  9. Sorry that wasn’t what you (and anybody on Earth) expected. We work very hard to make an interview a good process, and it starts with a clear understanding.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Dan. I think you nailed the issue. lack of clarity. The agency assumed that I knew the nature of our relationship from the get-go. I do not really think that there was any deceit intended, but it feels as if I’ve been “scammed” as so many people have commented.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Take the three strikes. What a farce.

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  11. R U kidding me? Don’t you just want to tell them to take their aptitude test and shove it ?!? I knew some agencies work this way but assumed they did it with full disclosure upfront to distinguish from those with an actual position to fill.

    So sorry, Maggie, but I picture you dusting yourself off and moving on knowing you’ll get a few more ‘knocks’ on your way to paydirt. Gah ! I saw the whole ‘linked in’ advice. I’d be just as clueless and un-networked as you, but I know you will rise to that challenge too – your networking possibilities will come to you in loops – identifying one leads to another. Easier fir me to say than for you to embrace, but look at all the other challenges you’ve plowed through – successfully – in the short time I’ve known you.

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    • I know. I can only assume since there was no disclosure and there was no mention of the job opportunity, they were recruiting for bodies only. Actually, Sammy, now that I’m telling you this, I just remembered! Two days after I got the interview call, another gal from the same agency called me to discuss my resume. Clearly, left hand hasn’t been introduced to the right.

      Thanks for your support, sweetheart. I’m fine. Feeling the feelings of the “scammed”. Or at least, the feelings of the “roped in.” I might just take Outlier Babe’s advice and take the summer off.

      Liked by 2 people

      • NOW you’re talking !!! You deserve a summer off 🌺

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am WAY out of the loop on these things but isn’t it also so they can tell potential clients whose pockets they want to pick that they have 40,000 well-qualified applicants at the ready?

        Liked by 1 person

        • That exact thought crossed my mind, too. “Choose us: we’ve got the largest employable body of workers.”

          I was talking with my step son yesterday. He’s had plenty of experience with employment agencies. One thing he warned me about was the fact there is a very good chance that I’d be working side-by-side with an employee who makes more than me, doing the same work. Because the employment agency will pocket the difference.

          Liked by 1 person

          • An excellent point. I was appalled, many years back when I did temp work, the difference between what I was paid & what they charged for me. And should the company want to hire me (and if I was willing), they essentially would have had to buy me. I think at the time it was $1,000.

            Liked by 1 person

  12. Wow– posts from you now have come full circle from posts “back then” I think of it as the Maggie Mae Metamorphoses. Sorry that went down the way it did. It sounds like some sort of “lost leader” job position and then the bait and switch? Never mind– when it comes to you, Always their loss!!!

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  13. You have my sympathy during this process. I am still looking myself. We work with agencies here and I hear good and strange about them, so it really is the luck of the draw sometimes.

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  14. How sad to get jerked around like that. What they call a relationship I call an opportunity to abuse the unemployed.

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  15. My first reaction was the same as OB’s. That SUCKS. And I don’t care how “enterprising” they were, it’s dishonest in my book.
    But then I was pleased in reading the comments to see that you have taken it as a learning exercise and that you have some good advice with which to move forward. I like OB’s advice best. 🙂 I hope you give yourself a lovely break and then show them employers what for. They don’t know what they’re missing out on.

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  16. I remember the days of walking around with a folder full of resumes, knocking on doors. Now, you are only met by security guards and sent home to apply on line. Times have changed. Good Luck, Maggie.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. You shaved your legs for that?! Oh, Maggie! Not what I expected to hear. So basically, stand by at any time because we might need you…at any time. Yeah, I’m on LinkedIn, too. I had someone ‘connect’ with me. When I went to their profile, there was a message: has not posted in over 2 years. I think mine must say the exact same thing. At least your hair looks great, yes?! 🙂

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    • Stand by. That’s pretty much it. If you need a job to put bread and butter on the table, then you will feel compelled to follow orders and take what they give you, whether it’s suitable or not. I am grateful that the option of taking the summer off is available to me. Great looking hair or not. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m not liking this. I’m not.
    I agree with Quiall … you will be a prize employee regardless of where you eventually end up!

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  19. The whole thing is such an ordeal. The shoe is on the other foot for us, Maggie, as we own our own business. Hiring is a b%#ch. Such a crap shoot on so many levels. It’s virtually impossible to tell if somebody is really going to like the job or fit into the “culture” (whatever that means) or be semi-functional at the job. I tell you this only to reinforce that the employer, if they are anything like us, desperately hopes and wants you to be the ONE. They hate interviewing as much as the job-seeker hates being interviewed and just want to get back to business. All those aptitude tests, etc. are just total BS but at least provide a screening out of the lowest denominator. Good luck!!

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    • Hi Barbara – you make a most valid point. I’ve been on the hiring side of the table when I worked at the sewing store. Can you rely on references? Maybe. Can you believe the resume? Who knows? It all comes down to an act of faith, or desperate hope, as you say. Thanks for the good luck wishes!

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  20. We’ve had a scam uncovered in Australia with such employment agencies. I do hope it turns out to be better than it sounds Maggie! I know you’ll find the right job, it’s surely waiting just for you. 🙂

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  21. Things have become nutty in the employment market. At least you didn’t shave your eyebrows.

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