The Zombies Ate My Brains

Rescuing what might remain of the grey matter.

My Ten Cents Worth

Buddy can you spare a dime?

Buddy can you spare a dime?

I need to go to the bank. I owe them a dime.

It’s a long, sad, tale.

Sigh. OK, if you must know, I used the wrong bank card when I bought some food.

Fine. I paid the cash that I owed.

The bank sent a note. I still owed a dime.

They sent a note to say I owed a dime? As in TEN WHOLE CENTS? I know. It did not make sense (cents!) to me, too. It cost them way more than 10¢ to send me that note.

I did not pay the note any mind. Nor the one that came the next month, nor the next month.

The last note, though, said that they would cut me off if I did not pay up.

So far, they spent way more than a dime and I thought, “Those jokers.” But now I think I must pay up. I do not want one thin dime to get in the way of my good score. That would mean that the joke is on me.

So, I will go to town. First I will get my tooth fixed then I will fix the bank. I will pay what I owe. That’s just the kind of gal I am.

***

Inspired by the Daily Post

Wherein we are challenged to write a post using one-syllable words. Except for this tag line, which I hereby declare does NOT count, I think I managed it.

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95 replies

  1. Automated correspondence without any human thought given to reasonable parameters always makes me shake my head.

    Last week Gilles got a check in the mail for $3. Pure foolishness.

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  2. hahaha make sure you ask for a receipt!

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  3. Something like that happened to Wild Thing (my partner, for those of you who don’t follow my blog), only with a professional organization she belonged to, not the bank. They sent letters back and forth, costing more than the several cents she was supposed to owe. Finally, she pasted the coins to an index card and sent it to them (along with a snotty and very funny letter–the second or third she’d sent). They returned them, with, at long last, an apology.

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    • It looks like I might get a chance to test out the letter writing option after all. The ATM was down! At this point, I’ve tried to do what they asked and for a dime, that’s all I got. Tomorrow a cheque goes out in the mail with a letter. The tone of the letter remains to be seen.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s a lot of effort to return a dime, but you’re right, the machine’s lowest option is probably $10. I might be tempted to write them a check though.

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  5. I can tell you exactly why the bank acted as it did. A buddy of mine writes banking systems. It is his custom to prefix his subroutines with the abbreviation “func” and name them after the function they serve.

    Deep in his programs, down near the bottom of his listings, you will always find routines with such labels: funcOutrage, funcObstinate, funcPassiveAggressive and funcHeadScrather.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is helpful information, in a sad and frustrating way.

      I’ve got a label for him, but in order for me to write it here, I’d need to change the rating of my blog to %$#&*^%.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I am happy we’ve come a long way. When I was a junior programmer, the first program I was assigned to fix, written by a male, had routines named “Golfball” and “EatKaren”.

      That was in Assembly language. COBOL (what a dinosaur I am), allowed more sophistication, and I was far more mature. My first program allowed me to make this statement:

      PERFORM UNNATURAL ACTS UNTIL EXHAUSTION

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hahaha I hope you wrote them a cheque to put in the bank machine. I was also privy to a similar insane situation last year. I was standing in line at the checkout at the Hudson’s Bay. The lady in front of me came in to pay her bill. It was ONE cent. She said they sent it 3 months in a row and if she didn’t pay, well you know, it would affect her credit rating and all that. This of course was after they delisted the penny. You can’t fix stupid.

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    • Steph, I finally did the math and decided the least expensive and the most compliant method would be for me to write a check. Off I go, to the local CIBC. Enter the bank. There’s a teller there holding the door for a customer as he leaves. I make for the ATM and she says, “Oh, it’s down. We don’t know when it will be back up. Can I help you inside?”

      “Oh no!” says I. “I need this for President’s Choice banking.”

      Steph, I swear she did not miss a beat, but launched directly into a sales pitch. “Would you like to learn how to avoid such inconveniences as a bank machine that’s not working and switch to CIBC?”

      I must have given her a look, for I said nothing, but she drew back a bit and welcomed me to “Have a nice day.”

      Now I plan on mailing a check with a note that tells them that the bank machine was down. They can mark down my credit rating if they want. I’m done with this nonsense.

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      • That’s a hoot, silly me why didn’t I think of that, of course the bank machines would be down!!! I know you will write them a nice Canadian complaint letter with the cheque (I suggest you address it to the president or CEO for maximum effect, go big or stay home), but I guess it would largely be a waste of time and paper, although it might make you feel better. Curious to see if you get a response. Coincidentally today I received an apology letter from a credit card company who had adjusted my account due to an error on their part. I had complained well over a year ago but the LIVE person I spoke to gave me machine responses. I gave up because it was so frustrating. It only took a year and half to get rectified, $487.00 later with interest. Well at least it wasn’t 10 cents.

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        • See, that’s exactly my default response – why bother – the machine ain’t helping, and machine-like CSR’s who work in a call center several lightyears away aren’t any better.

          I’ve been composing scathing rejoinders all afternoon and then I think about the poor mail clerk who gets to open my letter. But I will write something straight and to the point and hopefully that will be the end of it.

          I am glad to hear that your issue was resolved. A year-and-a-half later! That’s a significant chunk of change!

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        • I have an apology letter from AT&T for 92 dollars and change billed in error, which they subsequently put me in Collections for. It took me over a month of almost daily calls to get them to issue the apology, after which they put me in Collections again. And I am still in Collections a year later, for they refuse to call back the debt. A letter is just a piece of paper, and companies now keep ours in stacks in their outhouses.

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  7. Ridiculous! Multiple written correspondence, plus postage, (not to mention our tax dollars hard at work paying for all the various hands at Canada Post touching said correspondence), all for A DIME??? Crazy!

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  8. You managed it – you did .. Congrats ! 🙂

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  9. The absurdity of our modern-day lives….there’s no fighting it, Maggie. At least not with common sense.

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  10. I like when I get bills for less than the cost of postage. Think people, THINK!

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    • The clue to the entire farce is in your last sentence. There are no people in this equation as far as the letter writing goes. It’s handled entirely by machine. And it will be a machine that cuts off my account.

      Grrrumble.

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  11. I am sorry to hear your sad tale. We could lend you a dime. The nearest town with a foreign exchange is about six miles away and it is a bit difficult to get there today but we could get a bus tomorrow and then pop it in an airmail letter and it should be with you in a few days. Can you send metal objects by airmail? Perhaps we better hide it in a bag of marijuana. There must be a way around this dime problem. Keep watch for the postman 🙂

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  12. I thought I was the only one who did stuff like this.

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  13. I’m amazed and amused and bemused. Thanks for enlivening my Monday morning.
    Alice

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  14. What can I say? A penny for your thoughts. Times ten 😊

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  15. ‘I must have given her a look…” That was all I had to read. So darn funny. Here you go, you freakin’ idiots. Here’s your damn dime. You mean that kind of look, Maggie? hahaha!!

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  16. Unbelievable! Now, let me tell you the kind of gal that I am. I’ve been dissatisfied with my cable/internet/phone service (TWC) and so called and spoke with a supervisor last week. I was able to recoup $45. I called back this week and asked to speak to customer solutions. I was able to recoup $150 via a credit back to my account. $200 in one week. I’m all about good customer service and if I’m given a shoddy deal repeatedly- somebody’s going to pay $. (And it won’t be me!) I would have called the bank and asked to speak to the supervisor of customer service- then would have asked them to credit me .10 to my account. (There are always loopholes! Most banks overcharge their customers by a minumum of $10 per year anyway, if not more.) That’s ridiculous that they would hound you over a dime! Guh. But you’re a sweetheart. Good on you. (You may wonder why I’m a “phone shark” with customer service. I’m a former top rep of a telemarketing company for 13 months. Customer service is my specialty. :0)

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  17. Maggie, the prevalence of that kind of thing lately really bugs me. I paid a lawyer $20,000 for a big court case. I ended up owing $5 for some reason. She sent me a nasty note about it, although I hadn’t intentionally not paid it!

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  18. Sounds a bit foolish to me, but if they make such an effort to collect the ten cents it’s probably best to give them back.

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  19. I hope the interest on the dime doesn’t hit you badly! Crazy world we live in. Stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love this comment because that’s exactly what I was wondering about… will there be interest? After three months, none of the financial variety was added, but it sure has generated some wonder comments here! Thanks Barbara!

      Like

    • Interesting point, and a sore point for me: Companies are legally permitted to charge you interest on monies owed, as long as they can demonstrate that they have regularly billed for those monies. However: If they have billed you in error, they are not obliged to PAY you interest on the over-debit to your auto-debited account–for example.

      We need “Goose-Gander” Laws in these and many other areas of 1%-er versus 99%-er “customs” that have evolved to the benefit of…not us.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. You gotta laugh. Maybe the smaller absurdities of life serve to fend off the big ones. Glass half full of wishful thinking.

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  21. That really is frustrating and odd. And a bit sad…

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    • The really crazy part is that when I paid off the debt the first time, it occurred to me to overpay in order to accommodate whatever little bit more might be applied to the account. But I didn’t want to put in too much because this is an inactive account. Serves me right.

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  22. Haha this is so ridiculous! What they deserve is for you to give them a cheque that will require a receipt so that for this one dime they’ll have spent a hundred times (at least) its value in man hours, paper, ink and the rest.
    Seriously. Common sense anyone?

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  23. Great story ~ the absurdity of bureaucracy….and what a commitment of time! thanks for reading my post so that I could come and see yours. all the best!

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  24. Maggie this is hysterically funny and symbolic of so many things that are wrong with the banking world. I am so happy you took care of that “dime” situation. This really made me laugh. Great story.

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  25. Also meant to say how much I like your blog and I adore your photo holding up the rock! I love it when I see a “real person” photo and not a studio retouched one of a blogger. Mine was taken by a friend of mine in Atlanta, Matt Brown. He caught me on his iphone at a studio and I like the simple realness of it. Happy Friday Maggie.

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  26. You certainly did manage it, and I didn’t even realize what you were doing till the end! Bravo!

    And now an apology, although more from WordPress than from me. WordPress put your today’s comment on my blog in spam! How could they have done that? Especially as I don’t read each piece of spam anymore before clicking “Empty Spam.” It was only as it was all disappearing forever that I saw your name. WHAT DID YOU SAY? Many thanks in advance for repeating yourself. 🙂

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    • I’m delighted that you enjoyed this, and that you commented. And I will repeat here as well on your blog. Your latest piece, First Husband is marvelous writing, Nina. I am at a loss as to how to tell you how much I enjoyed it without gushing or resorting to hyperbole. I look forward to part II. Actually, I more look forward to hearing that it will be published. It deserves to be. Seriously.

      Regarding my post going to spam. Some time ago, I got fed up with Yahoo email as my primary email service, so I switched my WordPress email account to Gmail. What I didn’t realize until after the fact was that comments I left on others’ blogs required moderation or were considered spam. Bummer. I think I will put up a PSA today to let people know.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much, Maggie, for your wonderful-to-read words. I suspect that if First Husband ever gets published, it will have to be by me, in a collection of stories from TGOB. It’s already bit the dust a couple of times after submissions to literary magazines — and what else is there, these days? — and I got tired of submitting it. At least here it can find some appreciative readers — as far as I can tell from the “likes” so far, all women!!! (Not a surprise.)

        Re: the Gmail moderation requirement. I guess that means I should go back to eyeballing each piece of spam at least briefly before dumping them all en masse.

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        • My pleasure.

          I meant to add, that I commented on your blog again this morning but it hasn’t shown up on your post yet – I expect it’s still considered spam.

          Liked by 1 person

          • After reading your reply to my comment on your blog…I went into my new collection of spam and you’re absolutely right: I had to fish your second comment out of spam, whereupon it moved to “pending,” whereupon I had to “approve” it again. Okay, now it should appear beneath my blog post, but that’s a ridiculous process for us to have to go through! Is it happening with your comments on other people’s blogs, or am I the only one so blessed?

            I will thank you properly for what you said, this second time, on my own blog. 😀

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  27. I love this story – you gave more than your 10 cents in this hilarious tale. By the way, thanks for the follow today!

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  28. Wow, all this for a dime and one syllable? Maggie, I always enjoy reading your posts.

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    • Thanks, Pam.

      You’ll enjoy the latest bit on this story, then. Today at lunch I was telling Reiner how I handled the bank. I sent them a cheque for the ten cents I owed them. He said I should have sent a cheque for eleven cents. Then that way they’d have to send me a statement every month. Dang! Why didn’t I think of that?

      Liked by 1 person

  29. I had to chuckle after reading this post. Financial institutions can be so very nasty over the stupidest things. They would actually ruin your credit rating over a dime. It’s no wonder folks are going postal and walking into banks, post offices and workplaces in general and going off the deep end after rude, unnecessary treatment. If I was working at your bank I would have reached in my pocket and pulled out a dime to settle your account. Why waste an employee’s precious time to settle a menial situation like yours?

    I don’t do business with banks, period. It’s because of a similar situation years ago in South Carolina. Not only did they ruin my credit but they blacklisted me in the banking industry and I couldn’t open an account anywhere. I’ve been an avid fan of credit unions ever since. I wish we, as a country, hadn’t bailed out those banks that have been raping the American public for decades. They may have paid back the government loans in record time but ask yourself where those huge profits came from?

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    • Yes, you know exactly how this financial farce plays out. It’s scary that it’s driven by a machine.

      I’ve been thinking about the credit union, too, Bob. Actually, my mortgage is coming due in March. Maybe that’s a place to start. Thanks for stopping by!

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  30. I can think of a few choice words, both Anglo-Saxon and otherwise, that have but one syllable yet are applicable to this sort of Kafkaesque foolishness. Perhaps the bank would like me to share them on your behalf?
    xo,
    Kathryn

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  31. You can see from my sprinkled comments throughout, this post touched a lot of nerves for me. I’ve written 2/3 of a post re: my AT&T woes–haven’t posted it yet because it’s so BORING.

    Re: my own “dime”, I get a check each year from the I.R.S. in the amount of approx. $1.60, if I recall. I have no idea for what–they say I’ve overpaid. I never cash the check, which of course costs the gov’t even more money to handle. Ridiculous.

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