The Zombies Ate My Brains

Rescuing what might remain of the grey matter.

Why I Blog

Or, at the risk of bringing to mind scatological images, “Why I Dump.”

In another couple of weeks I will celebrate my two-month anniversary here on WordPress.  So, yeah, yay me. But here’s the thing. I’m starting to become self-conscious about my writing. I suppose that comes with the territory. Especially if you spill your guts, make yourself vulnerable. Which I’ve done, sort of. In a muted kind of way. On tip-toe.  I haven’t gone anywhere nearly as deep as many of the writers that I follow. And I’m here today to work out why that is.

My reason for starting this blog is to write. Good. Consider the goal achieved.

Now I aim to improve my writing. I aspire to write as well as, or at least a fraction as well as some of those I follow. Yet I intend to honour my style and my voice.  Which will vary, depending on the mood, and that’s fine.

My topics certainly do vary. They range from essays from my school work, informative bits about my mineral hobby, and mostly memoir-type vignettes from the distant past. Why not the recent past?

I’d like my work to be fuller, meatier. To make it more personal. More about who I am now, as an “adult”. That means I need to be more generous. If I take my lead from some of my favourites, Melissa, Alienora, Matt, and Trey, or newly found Michelle, I must learn to gather my thoughts, digest them, and spill my guts.

Those of you who know me outside of WordPress know that I’ve mastered “spew”. I am only too familiar with the need to purge, to eliminate, to get it out of my system. To dump, as it were, via the written word. So why not here on my blog?

Artist Richard McWhannell

Artist Richard McWhannell
The Performance Anxiety Dream, 2013.
Oil on canvas. 352 x 274 mm

A couple of reasons come to mind. Of course, there is the vulnerability, the risk, the exposure, the performance anxiety nightmare of finding yourself on stage with no pants on. I think I’m good with that. (Did I just write that?) Seriously, though, just ask any of my correspondents cited above. I am not shy about sharing my stuff.

But what about my supporting cast? The people I’ve worked with, the people I play with, my brothers and their family? My leading men? Ay, there’s the rub.

To wit, when the daily prompt asked if I’ve ever been dumped, I was stymied. I was caught between,

“Boy, could I tell you about dumpee/dumper! Gimme that keyboard!”

and

“But what about the people who were involved? I’m not ready for them to read about it here.”

I came across a blog this morning that had a series of password-protected posts. I suppose that’s one answer, but… Yeah, there’s a “but.” I want to be read. To be heard.

This will remain unanswered for the moment. If you have any suggestions I’d really appreciated hearing from you.

In the meantime, to actually fulfill my daily prompt requirements and to dip my toe into the deep dark cold:

  1. The Cowboy – I dumped
  2. The Good Ol’ Boy – I dumped
  3. The Performer – I dumped, but it was more or less mutual
  4. The One – I was dumped, but I didn’t argue
  5. The Rebound – I dumped, but again, it was not contested

Number one or two may not have seen it coming. From that point, yeah, no surprises.

———————————————————————————————————————–

Artwork Credit http://www.orexgallery.co.nz/

Inspired by http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/daily-prompt-tainted-love/

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Categories: Blog Blog Blog, Daily Post, Personal Growth

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52 replies

  1. It is hard to juggle the desire to be read and to express yourself honestly in regards to events in your life against the propriety of placing information in the public domain about the other people involved in various scenarios. I’ve recently had to do a bit of balancing in that regard and it still eats at me that my written expression was hampered by the consequence of revealing to much about others and myself. Then I got a little ticked off at walking that line and gave in to a good rant – hmm vent – no still not right – Oh I know – cathartic form of written therapy – more fun than it sounds trust me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Jenni! Thanks for taking the time to help out. I suppose I will never know until I try it. As Wondertwisted suggested, there is always the private option until I’m ready to go public. Of course, cannot un-ring that bell.

      Like

      • I hear you there but the question you want to ask yourself how will ringing that bell make you feel. Honestly not how you’re “supposed” to feel but how you truly feel deep down past the social niceties and decorum and that is where you’ll find your answer. Sometimes it will fall on the side of discretion and others not and you will find those who are truly close to you and are your friends will recognize your right to express your feelings and history as you deem fit. It’s part of how we grow as people to recognize who we are as opposed to who others think we should be. BOLA and I’ll be keeping up with your writing.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thanks, Jenni… more good stuff to think about. *Some*times, I’m pretty good at listening to my own internal guide. Other times, not so much. I appreciate your comments. And really glad to you have watching over me, so to speak!

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  2. I love the way you filfilled the prompt. Short and sweet to the point. That’s the way to dump them I would say. And carry on blogging, you are doing fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes, you write for others. Sometimes, you write for yourself. And when you want to spill your guts but aren’t ready to share, there’s nothing wrong with locking a post as “private.”

    Like

  4. Thank you for that! I must admit (sheepish grin) that I haven’t explored all the options here. I will give that some consideration. Appreciate the practical support!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You’re definitely not alone with those struggles. For me, it’s primarily a concern over writing about people I currently know and inadvertently offending them.

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  6. Thanks for the mention, Maggie. I have given myself leeway by not using my full name or picture, so that unless I tell people who I know about the blog, it is essentially read by strangers. Either way, I’m pretty comfortable with myself, my stories and my foibles or else I wouldn’t be able to write about them out loud.
    It depends on what you need from your writing. I need writing to make sense of my thoughts, arrive at some conclusion or there are times when I just like to amuse myself. And I need to be in the habit of being read by others. Blogging is just a nice intersection of all those things.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Michelle. Wonderful comment! I used to be part of a theatre group. I was struck, and more than a little annoyed by how my co-players so desperately needed the footlights, the applause. You know what they say about finding fault in others. Yeah, you hit the nail on the head. A recurring theme in my life: to be heard. I love your last line about the intersection. Thanks for helping out, here.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I don’t want to spill some of my stories in public at all ever. I did that when they were going on, talked them over with my friends, kept a journal. I have passed the point, as a writer, that I am interested in writing for catharsis. I reached a point where, for me, anyway, writing needed to be MORE than that. “Self”-expression no longer means to me what it did maybe 10 years ago. What is the self? Is it just the sum of experiences, the latest drama, the inscrutable angst, or do I have the actual ability to operate as a crucible for my own experience, and return it to the world as imaginative writing? THAT’S what I want.

    Like

    • Hi Martha. Thanks for this. I’m beginning to understand that I am in a similar spot. I think, for the most part, the catharthis has come and gone and I’m moving forward. What I may be struggling with is my need to provide the backstory, to provide the reader as much detail as possible. I do that in real life, telling the story that happened at point Z by detailing all of the events from A.
      I think I need an editor!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow… first, thanks for the shout-out and I promise to go visit the others you shouted about, too.

    To the meat of it though: Aye, there’s the rub. My family has (reluctantly some) surrendered to my newly re-found voice; but when it comes to writing about the really juicy stuff — for me, that would be work — the voice must be dampened down to respect privacy, liability, and other issues. So, I either fictionalize what I need to say (mostly the historical childhood stuff), or change the names (and perhaps even some identifying details) to protect the not-so-innocent, or wait it out until everyone involved has forgotten all about what I’m going to write about.

    Over all of that though is this one thought: I am writing my truth. It is MY truth. So if anyone wants to quibble about it, that’s their problem not mine. If I can’t defend it; I shouldn’t write about it. If it’s my truth and I’m speaking from the heart, then no matter the disagreements or blow-back or consequences, it’s worth getting it out there; because if I need to write about it, then I’m pretty sure someone else needs to hear it.

    :>

    Liked by 1 person

  9. PS — At least your list can be counted on one hand… mine, not so much! ;}

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  10. Thank you so much for visiting and deciding to follow The Getting Old Blog. I hope you continue to enjoy it. With respect to your quandary — wanting your posts to become meatier and fuller — you have to write what you’re comfortable with. My own boundaries are silence about my children (now adults) and their children (except in a very general way), and about my second marriage, because that husband is still alive and the father of the children. The first marriage is fair game, since that husband has been dead for some time. I change names of other living people, and sometimes write in the third person, which offers both some protection to those others and the liberty to change this and that. If you have ever had psychotherapy of any kind, writing a personal blog is rather like having a session. You’re talking to a someone, but a someone who is there only for you during the time you’re together. And always try to enjoy it! You’ll do fine! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I enjoyed meandering through your earlier posts … started with the Pigweed song 🙂
    You accomplished by your second month what I haven’t after 15 months … the ability to open up and ‘expose’ yourself.

    Like

    • I’m delighted that you are reading some of the “vintage” material. 🙂

      I think part of my “problem” for lack of a better term, is this: as much as I claim I need to set boundaries, I have never been shy about what I share. I don’t know if this is a need to be heard, an overblown ego, or just the story teller in me. Or, I suppose, all of the above.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. As it is so outside the blog, uncertainties and trepidation are allowed. =) It’s wonderful you have a community to share your journey with in living color, which includes the grey, and your writing is fine and lovely, M. I know you’ll find the place and depth you want to get to.

    Like

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