AGAIN with the empty toilet paper roll!
OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
I know that my husband means no ill will toward me. AND I know that it’s not laziness: he is one of the most industrious people I know. So why is it, that when I reach to the toilet paper dispenser and find it empty my default impulse is “OFF WITH HIS HEAD”?
Ah yes, just another day in normal married life.
After I composed myself, I was invited to compose a post that teaches readers how to do something you know and/or love to do. Without further ado, I invite you to learn:
How to Change the Loo Roll
- Wipe your butt.
- Remain in the moment and be aware that, aHA! I’ve used the last of the toilet paper. I better change the roll so that the next user will not be inconvenienced.
- Jiggle, flush, and pull up your zipper.
- Reach into the cabinet not more than .378 meters* from where you stand and find a new roll of TP
- Take the empty roll from the hanger and install the new one in its place.
- Do whatever you wish the the old roll – recycle it, use it as fire starter, or just toss it in the waste bucket a mere .498 meters* away. See advanced courses available, below.
- Carry one with your day
- COME BACK HERE! You forgot to flush!
For a visual aid, see the video linked here, from one of my all time favourite TV series, Mad About You.
Advanced students might also wish to learn “How to Restock the Cabinet When You Use the Last of the TP” and “The Perils of Improper Disposal of Empty Rolls”
* For users of alternate units of measure, see this earlier post.
I've got to share this!
Categories: Daily Post, Relationships
Tags: relationships, toilet paper, toilet paper dispenser, zerotohero
76 replies ›
Trackbacks
- How to make a felt rose | A mom's blog
- Daily Prompt: Teach Your (Bloggers) Well | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
- Socratic Dialogue, How to Write/Daily Prompt | I'm a Writer, Yes I Am
- Making Easy, Organic and Effective Bug Spray For You Garden | Lisa's Kansa Muse
- Daily Prompt: Teach Your (Bloggers) Well | The Wandering Poet
- Daily Prompt: Teaching | Nola Roots, Texas Heart
- Of a how-to… | Concentrate On Yourself
- Eulogy Heard By Nobody | The Jittery Goat
- How I paint – Teach Your (Bloggers) Well | Caring and Creating
That gives me food for thought. As a female victim always left with an empty toilet roll I just wonder where the paper went. I am finished and lo and behold the holder is empty. We just do not have a plain and simple holder, but it is somehow a modern design to fit in the side of the cupboard next to the toilet. Not going into details, but after removing the metal bar I fit the toilet roll onto it and have to fit it into the receptacle. This is complicated when sitting in a certain position. You have my full sympathy.
LikeLike
Hee hee, thanks for, ahem, the pee and sympathy. Good luck with the potty training, sister!
LikeLiked by 1 person
HA!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great, now my coworker is wondering what the heck I’m sniggering at. (Gosh I miss that show.) Plus, I can’t believe I haven’t told the story yet of using a public toilet stall without checking first. I must go put that into my drafts now so I don’t forget! :>
LikeLiked by 2 people
They don’t make ’em like that any more, do they? Or do they? I’m out of touch with current TV fare.
LikeLike
I was off sitcoms for a long time, but there are some pretty good ones out now; I particularly recommend “Mom.” Hilarious. :>
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll have to keep a lookout for that. Love Allison Janney
LikeLike
OMG she makes the show… I had no idea she was so funny. :>
LikeLike
Fortunately, my hubby is an obsessive TP changer/replenisher, however he is also a neglectful flusher! I’ll often walk into our master bathroom to find “yellow water”. He blames it on the dog!
LikeLike
Glad for the comments, thanks! Ah, you have an advanced learner! Congratulations! And a creative one at that.
LikeLike
You have an acrobatic dog there!
LikeLike
Too funny! Love it!
LikeLike
Why, thank you! Glad you enjoyed.
LikeLike
This made me think of the visit from my son and his family. We heard yelling about toilet paper. Thinking that all of the paper on the shelf was gone I ran upstairs and got another roll. Later going into the bathroom I found the whole shelf still filled up and started laughing. A bunch of rolls were right there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Lisa – thanks for dropping by! That *is* funny!
LikeLike
Exactly the same problem in our house. Replacing the toilet roll, putting the finished box of cereal into the recycling, noticing that the washing hamper is full so the machine might just need loading. My husband is completely blind to all of the above, and quite a few more!
LikeLike
Hey Keeps, thanks for the comment. Know what’s embarrassing to admit? By way of “take that, you negligent TP roll replacer you”, I’d get my revenge by *not* replacing a roll when I saw it was empty. Uh huh, pretty clever there, wouldn’t you say? [eye roll]
LikeLike
Oh my God! I think we must be married to the same man!!! Or at the very least they share a lot of the same DNA. Toilet roll, empty packets, he’ll only hang up 90% of a finished wash, leaving the rest to fester in the basket. Plus honey spills are invisible to his naked eye and he’ll leave a slug of juice in the fridge just so he doesn’t have to bin the bottle.
Seriously, what is WRONG with them?!?!
LikeLike
LOL – You have no idea how glad I am to see the comment about the laundry. Now, before I get to my grievance, please note that this man is always busy with something and he is very industrious and takes care of all of the mechanics around the house, so that’s good. He also helps with the laundry… to a point. He only attends to HIS clothing and leaves mine on the line! Um, hello? I brought it up one day and he said, “Aw. Is someone feeling neglected?” All oopsie-poopsie like. grrrrrrr
LikeLike
Haha – no way! I got ‘reassured’ that as Husband hung his washing outside at dusk ‘mine’ had been hung inside. I went to look: 1 pair of knickers. Unless ‘mine’ also constitutes all the kids’ stuff. Thanks, buddy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaaa I love it. I’ll be using this tutorial to train my husband and son on the mystical art of toilet roll replacement. I think I’m going to enjoy reading more posts from you. 😀
LikeLike
Heh heh, thanks Leslie! Let me know how the students manage! And thanks for the follow. Now I’m off to see what you are up to!
LikeLike
Got to stick up for the males here! It’s not me that’s the problem in our house on that one.
Loved the post!
http://www.browney237.com
LikeLike
Hey, Browney, thanks for stopping by!Glad you enjoyed the post, and thanks for being a good sport!
LikeLike
Reblogged this on The Zombies Ate My Brains and commented:
In celebration of 6 months here on WordPress and… oh hell, who am I kidding? I’m taking the easy way out in response to a Writing Essential Group Challenge… I promise – I won’t make a habit of it!
LikeLike
Oh my goodness Maggie this is hilarious! Of course there is a little part of me that is nodding along. 🙂
LikeLike
Of course you nod!
I’m glad it made you smile!
LikeLike
I actually snorted my coffee. 🙂
LikeLike
LOL – that’s high praise, thank you!!
LikeLike
I never, ever leave an empty toilet paper roll. Being a gentleman, I always use all but one thin sheet. You see, I come from a large family (only if eleven kids is considered large in your neighborhood. It wasn’t in mine) and a lesson quickly learned by all us kids was “NEVER USE THE LAST OF ANYTHING!!”, since huge responsibilities accrued to whoever used the last of anything.
In addition to leaving a single sheet of toilet paper, I always leave a single sip of milk in the jug, a crumb of bread in the bag and a whiff of gas in the tank. It is not that I am lazy, it is just that habits that were literally pounded into my head – are hard to break.
LikeLike
On another note… Maggie, would you consider serving as an editor on the http://writingessentialgroup.com/ blog? It is not a lot of work, mainly just writing a prompt one day a week.
LikeLike
Wow! [blush] This is very unexpected! [panic] Um. Sure? [more panic]
[to self: get a grip!] I’d be delighted! Let me know the details at your leisure!
By the way, please do make sure you do not miss the response addressed to you, immediately below!
LikeLike
When convenient, email me at WritingEssential@Outlook.com. It is the editor’s email account. I will give you the details there.
LikeLike
Hi Greg – message sent!
LikeLike
NO Almost Iowa!! No, no, NO!! That is even worse! My ex used to do that ALL THE TIME and how he didn’t end up under the patio pushing up the crazy paving is anyone’s guess.
What use is one sheet of toilet roll to anyone? Have you ever had to use the cardboard tube because it’s that, or a soggy minny? What can you do with a sip of milk besides hurling it at the nearest offending person, i.e. you? Have you any idea how annoying it is when you think you have plenty of biscuits/gin/ice cream in the house, then when you go to pour yourself and your guest a nice drink, the teaspoons worth you have left has evaporated and then you have to give your poor friend tea or go out into the rain to the offy only to find it closed and when you get back there’s only a drop of milk in the fridge??!
At the very least leave 2 portions/servings/usages of anything and that way you may get to live to a ripe old age with as few dents as possible in your cranium.
Maybe… 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
OK folks, listen up! Wise words of advice here!
LikeLike
Welcome to the politics of a very large family.
The purpose for leaving a single sheet of toilet paper on the roll, a sip of milk in the jug and a whiff of gas in the tank is to send a direct and brutal message to the person who carelessly left only a single serving of each.
In a large family, a single serving is worse than none because it gives the illusion of adequacy and shifts responsibility to someone else. The tragedy of it is…. with long, long lines for everything, running out is not an option. If someone is irresponsible enough to only leave six servings of milk in the jug….that means at least five other people will find the jug empty (11 kids) and chances are they may be too small to reach for the extra roll of toilet paper, or walk the three blocks to the store.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ah, I see…
My ex did it when there was only two of us, so it wasn’t question of politics, only which of us was a sneaky, lazy/greedy arsehole!
I suspect he was under the illusion that leaving half a biscuit in what appeared to be a full cardboard packet, one Quality Street (usually the coconut ice) buried in a tin of about 200 empty wrappers, a splash of red wine disguised by the dark glass (he never tried it with white) or a teaspoon of gin in a green glass bottle, he could say hand of heart that he never ate/drank it ALL and that I wouldn’t be annoyed. It was like living with a cross between a sugar crazed toddler, an alcoholic and a thieving labrador.
Being lazy/greedy was one thing, but I’d rather he’d have manned up and admitted it then we could have stocked up on more when we went to the supermarket instead of having to run cussing to the local 7/11 all the time!
I agree with you that whatever the reason, it is a brutal action and as far as I was concerned, as such, an unmistakable declaration of war… 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
It is one thing to have character flaws. We all have them. It is quite another to BE or shall we say, embody a character flaw.
We take care of our supply problem by shopping at an establishment that provides flat-bed trolleys in lieu of shopping carts. In other words, we buy everything in BULK (vs. plain old “bulk”). That way, our greatest problem becomes less about running out than where to put things.
As for toilet paper, there is usually an extra roll balancing on the dispenser.
Having said that, if per chance I find myself short on TP at a critical moment, yes, I will leave but one tissue as a primordial call for help before rushing to the warehouse to fill a flatbed with as many bales of toilet paper as it takes to fill a garage stall.
LikeLike
Well if you do, and you find a rather damp cardboard roll in the bin, do yourself a favour and don’t pick it up!
LikeLike
So that’s what that is. 😦 I’ll be speaking to the Mrs!!!
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
Oh Maggie, sometimes I am so glad that I am single! 🙂
LikeLike
You make me smile! 😀
LikeLike
🙂 sorry for the rant, don’t know what came over me there…
LikeLike
Rant? What Rant? It’s all true and honest reporting! That image of the raging Queen of Hearts up there, right? That’s one of my go-to icons for stuff just like this!
LikeLike
We don’t even have the thing that pops out! One merely slides the old roll off and replaces with a new roll. It amazes me that I seem to be the only person in the house who is clever enough to do so…
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s why you’re the mama, yes?
LikeLike
Must be!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fortunately, that’s not a problem in our home. Now, if only there was a tutorial about replacing the last sliver of soap in the shower with a new bar, that would be helpful. Thanks for the link to Mad About You! That was such a funny, well-written show.
LikeLike
You are welcome! It was one of my all-time favourite TV shows. They don’t make ’em like that any more. But then again, I don’t watch TV anymore, so what do I know?
LikeLike
I laughed out loud at the COME BACK HERE. You forgot to flush!!!!!
LikeLike
😀
LikeLike
Obviously you are not of the paranoid and ocdc variety of human being that I am. I checked the front door twenty times to make sure it’s locked before I go to bed. Then I wake up in the middle of the night, asking, “Did I lock the front door?” Being this variety of person, I always check before I go. I ain’t taking no chances. Like the old saying goes, been there done that. And it ain’t happening ever again. Once burned twice shy.
LikeLike
What with the door checking and feeding the cat at all hours, I don’t think you get much sleep, do you?
LikeLike
“Off with his head!” That was intentional too, right? Toilet=Head?
Loved this. Loved the comments from your entourage. Always laugh at your clever comebacks. And now….have you met GlueStickMum? Or more to the point, has Reiner met Mr. GlueStickMum? Have a look-see at their commonality, shall we?
LikeLike
Nope, that one flew right over my… well, you know… head.
You are a great blogging buddy, Steph. I really appreciate the support and your effort to connect us to one another. ❤
LikeLike
You are singing my song here!!! It’s scary how widespread the affliction seems to be. I have a plan though: when girls are taken out of class en masse and taught about periods and tampons boys should be taught how to change the sodding toilet roll, as opposed to whatever they do do. What the heck DO they do?!?!
LikeLike
A very good question. And one that I’m not so sure I want to know the answer to!
LikeLike
Very funny, Maggie 🙂 As always.
LikeLike
Hee hee, thanks, Frankie! 😀
LikeLike
Happy 6 months celebration, Maggie. Loved this, but I’m one of the lucky ones, it seems, since I don’t stress out, or even get niggly, when the roll is empty – the loo paper stack is reachable and one can attend to it while doing one’s business. 😀
LikeLike
Keeping the loo rolls near at hand! What a concept! Bathroom designers should take note of this, don’t you think? It would eliminate so much hardship and despair in the world! 😉
LikeLike
Hahahaha. One of the best sitcoms ever!
LikeLike
Yup, 100% agreed. 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you for the laugh, I enjoyed your post.
LikeLike
Thank you, Marie for stopping by! 🙂
LikeLike